


An Act of Compassion

by The_Eclectic_Bookworm



Series: the braveryverse [2]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M, Poltergeisty shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 15:32:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8061862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Eclectic_Bookworm/pseuds/The_Eclectic_Bookworm
Summary: Ms. Calendar and Giles were back together.Buffy had said it was okay, and now Ms. Calendar was acting like things were back to normal.These were two statements that were bothering Buffy a lot more than they should. (AU, set during I Only Have Eyes For You)





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Roca](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roca/gifts).



> For Sophie <3  
> This is kind of a sequel to Forgiveness? But basically all you need to know to read this is that Jenny survived Passion. Although definitely read Forgiveness first because I'm proud of that one too.

Ms. Calendar and Giles were back together.

Buffy had said it was okay, and now Ms. Calendar was acting like things were back to normal.

These were two statements that were bothering Buffy a lot more than they should. Everyone seemed so _happy_ lately. Willow was always going off on Oz-related tangents, Xander got this kind of sideways grin whenever Cordelia started haranguing him about something, and now Buffy couldn’t go into the library without knocking first because Giles and Ms. Calendar were _always_ making out by the front desk, or pressed up against a book cage, or kissing in Giles’s office with the door wide open.

A part of Buffy thought that maybe Ms. Calendar was rubbing it in Buffy’s face, and that she was using the trust of the Scoobies to figure out a way to kill Angelus or something. Her family seemed to be all about vengeance, after all, and Buffy wasn’t entirely sure about Ms. Calendar loving Giles—sure, there was kissing, but this whole dramatic lovesick reunion thing seemed a little too over-the-top to be genuine.

Or, okay, maybe it wasn’t really as dramatically lovesick as Buffy thought it was, but it definitely wasn’t the usual sort of dating-colleagues thing Giles and Ms. Calendar had had going on. If anything, the time they’d spent apart had seemed to bring them _closer,_ which…actually made sense, because Ms. Calendar might have missed Giles, but…

Buffy stared at her homework, not really taking in any of it. She knew that the facts could add up, that Ms. Calendar could be genuinely in love with Giles, but she still couldn’t find it in herself to trust her. Ms. Calendar, who hadn’t told them that she was here to watch Angel. Ms. Calendar, who made a bigger mistake than Buffy, but still got to be with the guy she cared about. And Buffy _loved_ Angel, but Angel was the one who was gone now.

Well. Not gone for good. Not if they figured out this poltergeist thing fast, because Ms. Calendar was apparently almost ready to perform the ritual. They’d had to set up wards around her house, lots of them, because they needed a safe space for Ms. Calendar to work her magic without interruption. At the moment, she was staying with Giles on a temporary basis. Ms. Calendar had said it was for safety reasons. Giles had said it was because he worried about Ms. Calendar being left alone.

So did Buffy, actually, but she suspected that it wasn’t for the same reasons as Giles.

“Earth to Buffy?” said Willow, gently nudging her. “I’m pretty sure geometry requires a bit more pencil-to-paper.”

Buffy sighed. “Yeah. Right.” She picked up her pencil, then, “Willow, do you trust Ms. Calendar?”

Willow hesitated, then said, “Not all the way, at least not until you do.”

Buffy felt a little better at that.

* * *

“Well!” said Ms. Calendar as soon as they came into the library. She was standing in the doorway of Giles’s office as he sorted through some books on his desk. “Did Rupert call you? Or, um, you were all probably asleep, so he might not have. It was pretty early in the morning. _Which,_ ” she added, giving Giles a very pointed look, “is _not_ a safe time to be alone at school during the night. You should have let me stay at the school with you.”

“Yes, because last time you stayed at school after dark, that went _sparklingly,_ ” Giles retorted defensively. “I can take care of myself, Jenny, and you’re better off safe at home.”

Ms. Calendar nodded, and then informed him, “First off, that sounds incredibly sexist, and second off, if you end up dying because you stay at school too late, I will personally resurrect you and shout at you for a good three weeks.”

“I’m fairly certain that’s not the best course of action, darling,” Giles responded, seeming a bit annoyed. “What with all the dark magic required for resurrection.”

“ _Okay,_ ” said Buffy loudly. “Was there anything you guys wanted to tell us, or are you just going to snark at each other for the rest of today?”

“Right,” Giles replied, looking momentarily embarrassed before his face became more serious. “Er, there was another incident of the poltergeist variety.”

“And someone died,” Ms. Calendar added quietly, playing with the ends of the scarf she was wearing. “A teacher. I don’t know if you guys knew Ms. Frank?”

“I—I think I saw her in the hallways once or twice,” Willow replied sadly.

“The, um, the janitor shot her,” Giles replied, “and then his gun vanished.”

“Yeah, but how do we know this isn’t just some creep with a gun and a knack for hiding things?” Xander persisted.

“As it happened, there were some convincing similarities,” Ms. Calendar explained. “The gun’s only the tip of the iceberg.”

“It was just as with the couple you encountered the other night, Buffy,” Giles continued, picking up a few books from his desk. “The janitor remembered everything. He knew he'd killed this poor woman, but he had no idea why. Well, they had no intimate relationship.” He exited his office, moving towards the book cage, and they followed.

“What about the gun?” Willow asked. “Did you find it?”

“No, no. The police, everybody, we searched high and low.” Filing the books, Giles turned back to them. “I think it’s safe to assume that this poltergeist is somehow tied to a lovers’ quarrel of some sort? It might be best for someone to begin looking through school records for any past shootings at the school.”

“I’ll do it!” Willow raised her hand, smiling hopefully. “And maybe Ms. Calendar could help? She’s got administrative access and stuff, and that way I don’t have to hack the system to visit sites I need.”

“Is _that_ why I keep on getting notifications about security breaches?” Ms. Calendar was grinning. “As your teacher, I feel like I should tell you not to do that, but as a mentor, I’m incredibly proud.”

Willow glowed.

The feeling of certainty in Willow’s comradery that had been a comfort to Buffy the night before dissipated abruptly, leaving her with an uncomfortable emptiness in her stomach. “Great,” she said. It came out sounding flat. “You guys work on that whole research thing. I’ve got some stuff to do at home, I guess, so…let me know if you find anything.” She turned away from a suddenly worried-looking Willow, beginning to leave the library.

“Buffy, you’ve—you’ve had firsthand experience with the incident,” Giles said anxiously. “More so than I, actually; I arrived just as the janitor shot Ms. Frank, but you were able to stop the scenario from playing out. I think it would be best if you stayed to help Willow and Ms. Calendar.”

Buffy turned to look at Willow (whose eyes were wide and full of a mixture of anxiousness and guilt) and Ms. Calendar (who looked confused but still concerned), and reluctantly sat down at one of the library chairs. “Okay,” she said. “Research. Sounds dandy.”

Neither Willow nor Ms. Calendar was smiling quite as much anymore.

“Buffy—” Ms. Calendar began. She stopped, then, “If you don’t want me involved in this, I can—”

“It’s fine,” said Buffy, and forced a smile. “I said we were good, remember?”

Ms. Calendar opened her mouth, shut it, and nodded, looking thoroughly unconvinced. “I’ll get us set up,” she said quietly to Willow, who followed her over to the library computer. Buffy made to join them, but Giles cleared his throat and asked, “Buffy, may I have a word with you?”

Buffy kept the smile on her face when she turned to Giles. It felt almost plastic at this point. “Yeah,” she said. “Sure.”

Stepping into Giles’s office made her feel worse and better all in one. She was glad she didn’t have to be out there with Ms. Calendar and Willow (who, for all of her efforts to be a Good Friend To Buffy, clearly trusted Ms. Calendar more than she’d admit to), but she also had a feeling that Giles had something to say to her about the way she was treating Ms. Calendar or something like that, and Buffy _really_ didn’t feel like dealing with it.

Giles paused, then began, “I know you’re in a rather tense situation as of late with Jen—Ms. Calendar, and I know it’s very difficult to be even the bare minimum of cordial towards her—”

“—but I should try because Ms. Calendar’s been through a lot too?” Buffy finished, forgetting about holding her plastic smile in place. “Yeah, Giles, I _know._ And it’s not like I wanted her to die at the hands of Angelus or anything. I just feel like she shouldn’t be—”

“I was _going_ to say that I understand,” said Giles gently.

Buffy stopped ranting, stunned. “What?”

“And so does Ms. Calendar.” Giles smiled a little tiredly. “We’re both very aware of how difficult our reconciliation must be for you.”

“Yeah, I definitely got that vibe when you two were sucking face by the book cage,” said Buffy before she could stop herself. She was feeling pretty sick of people saying they understood what was going on. “Look, Giles, I’m really not interested in hearing about how this. Ms. Calendar lied to us, and you guys seem to trust her, and eventually I’m going to find it in myself to get over it. Case closed.”

That last part didn’t exactly ring true to Buffy; she didn’t feel like getting over anything anytime soon. Here was Ms. Calendar, a member of a family that had every reason to hate Angel’s guts, and everyone was just trusting her when she said that she was on their side again. So far, Buffy hadn’t seen any concrete proof of change on Ms. Calendar’s part.

“Buffy, I hope you can trust that I’m not blinded by my love for Jenny,” Giles said carefully. “It’s not as though I haven’t thought ab—”

“You love her?”

There was a stunned silence in the office. Buffy had been pretty sure _,_ of course, but Giles hadn’t actually outright _said_ it, and knowing you’re in love is a lot different than casually mentioning it to someone who isn’t a part of the equation.

“I do,” Giles said finally. “And I know she is worthy of our trust.”

“You remember how I said that about Angel, right?” said Buffy, a little more harshly than she needed to. “Remember how well that turned out? Like it or not, Giles, ignoring a lot of glaring problems with your relationship kinda goes hand in hand with being in love.”

“Perhaps this is a conversation for—another time,” Giles mumbled. The worried, compassionate look in his eyes was gone, replaced with a quiet sadness, and Buffy suddenly felt a hint of remorse mixed in with the Ms. Calendar-related anger. “I had hoped you would be a bit more willing to understand.”

“I understand.” Buffy looked at him. “You’re in love, and you trust her, and you think that that’s going to change the fact that she betrayed us. News flash, Giles, her actions affected a lot more people than just herself, and I’m not going to trust her when Angel and I are the only people who are still royally screwed over by what she did.”

“Buffy—”

“Did you ever stop to think that maybe the only reason you can trust her is because she loves you?” Buffy continued, and suddenly she was shouting. “Did you ever consider that if anything happened to you, she’d throw us all under the bus at the drop of a hat? We can’t _trust_ her, Giles, not when she only cares about you and her family. That’s not enough to trust someone with.”

“She cares deeply about you,” Giles said, his voice low and coldly furious, a strange contrast to Buffy’s loud anger. “She’s been worried and hurt and ashamed of what she’s done, and it’s entirely unfair of you to be so convinced that I am the only reason she cares about any of us.”

“Well, I mean, that’s love, right?”

Buffy and Giles both froze.

Ms. Calendar was standing in the open doorway of the office. Her jaw was set, but there was the same hurt look in her eyes that she’d had when Giles had turned away from her on Valentine’s Day.

“You know, you might not want to have a really loud argument without shutting the door first,” she said conversationally. Her voice was shaking.

“Jenny,” said Giles quietly, and reached out to her, but Ms. Calendar moved away.

“Look,” she said to Buffy. “You have every right to be angry at me for as long as you like. I won’t begrudge you that.”

Buffy was beginning to feel vaguely sick. She’d imagined Ms. Calendar meeting her accusations with anger, with defensiveness. But there was a quiet understanding in Ms. Calendar’s eyes that seemed somehow more genuine than anything Willow or Giles had said.

Ms. Calendar swallowed. “But I’ll say again that I do care about you,” she said softly, “and that I would never intentionally try and hurt you, or Willow, or Xander, whether it’s through deliberate action or deliberate inaction. If Rupert died tomorrow, I’d still be here, and I’d still be working hard to resoul Angelus.”

“You’re doing it because that’s what Giles would want,” Buffy snapped, feeling almost comforted by the brief return to anger.

“I’m doing it because I want to make things right,” Ms. Calendar replied.

For a moment, her hands fluttered to the scarf around her neck. Buffy’s eyes followed the movement. Ms. Calendar had been wearing that scarf ever since she and Giles had gotten back together, and she touched it whenever she talked about resouling Angel. It seemed like some kind of weird effect of her confrontation with Angelus, and it made Buffy wonder what had _happened_ in that computer lab.

Ms. Calendar interrupted Buffy’s speculation by adding, “But I don’t think I’m helping the situation much by sticking around the library.” She smiled, and it looked just as fake as Buffy’s smiles had felt. “Rupert, I’ll see you at home. I’ve just got to go give the administrator password to Willow real quick.”

“We need you here,” Giles persisted.

“It’s fine.” Ms. Calendar turned and exited the office, leaving an almost deafening silence behind her.

Buffy looked up at Giles, wanting to say something, but unsure of what. She had the strangest feeling of guilt mixed in with a self-righteous sort of anger, and she wasn’t sure which one she wanted to focus on at the moment.

Giles beat her to the punch. “I rather think you should help Willow with research,” he said simply. He looked incredibly sad, and the fact that Buffy was starting to feel guiltier made her even angrier. “I’ll go and get some of the old yearbooks so that you all have some reference when you think you may have found our poltergeist.”

“Giles—”

“I do understand,” Giles said tiredly. “And…what was it you said? Eventually I’ll find it in myself to get over it.” He left the office, leaving Buffy standing there and feeling incredibly conflicted.

* * *

Xander came over with his tray, sitting down next to Buffy at the lunchroom table. “What’s the deal with Ms. Calendar?” he asked Willow.

“Huh?” Willow looked surprised. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that after she left the library, she didn’t show up to teach any of her classes,” Xander explained. “And it’s not exactly like Ms. Calendar to completely skip out. Snyder’s going ballistic. You didn’t know?”

“N-no, she’s my first class of the day,” Willow replied, now seeming a bit shaken. “I had class with her before our mini research session. You don’t think something happened to her, do you?”

“There is all this poltergeist stuff going on,” Xander said nervously.

“Guys!” Buffy said. Willow and Xander both looked over at her in surprise. “Did you somehow miss the big shouty argument before Ms. Calendar left the library?”

“I was kind of trying not to listen,” Xander explained.

“I was focusing on researching,” Willow added.

Buffy winced, then said, “I kind of upset Ms. Calendar a little. Or a lot.”

“Oh,” said Willow, sounding a little sad. “You guys are fighting again?”

“Not…exactly.” Buffy looked down at her food. “It’s complicated.”

Cordelia chose this moment to come over with her tray and an angry rant about the unfairness of the Sadie Hawkins dance, and the topic of Ms. Calendar was forgotten. Especially when all the cafeteria food turned into snakes. That definitely tended to distract people.

* * *

As it happened, Ms. Calendar showed up outside the school ten minutes following the snake incident, driving very fast and pulling up dangerously close to the curb. Without a word, she hurled herself at a quite surprised Giles, throwing her arms around his neck.

“It’s quite all right, Jenny, I’m fine,” Giles said awkwardly, an arm winding around her waist. He was very pointedly avoiding looking at Buffy. “I’m _fine._ ”

Ms. Calendar said something incoherent into his shoulder and hugged him tightly. The scarf was a bit less neatly wound around her neck, as though she’d thrown it on in a hurry.

“Yes, dear.” Giles stroked her hair. “How did you find out so quickly?”

“Small town,” said Buffy pointedly. “I bet she heard the sirens.”

“Sirens in the middle of the day aren’t exactly a normal Sunnydale occurrence,” Ms. Calendar said shakily, raising her head from Giles’s shoulder and looking over at Buffy, Willow, and Xander. “Are you all okay?”

“We’re good!” Willow smiled encouragingly. “Cordelia got a little bit of a snake bite, but it’s not one of the venom-y ones.”

“Nothing a Band-Aid and some TLC can’t fix,” Xander added, and grinned at Cordelia, who rolled her eyes and sighed long-sufferingly.

“Snakes?” Ms. Calendar said quietly to Giles.

“The, um, cafeteria food turned into snakes,” Giles replied in a low voice.

“How do snakes correlate to the whole poltergeist thing?” Willow asked thoughtfully. “Or is he just trying to be scary?”

“He could be trying to shut down the school,” Cordelia suggested.

“Seems like the kind of thing a killer would do,” said Buffy shortly. “We need to start planning out a course of action to deal with this guy.”

“Right.” Giles looked down at Ms. Calendar, who was still in his arms. “Jenny, your help might be appreciated here.”

Ms. Calendar hesitated, then glanced over at Buffy. “I—” she began.

“It’s fine,” Buffy replied immediately, trying not to think about it.

“You’ve said that before,” said Ms. Calendar carefully.

“It’s _fine,_ ” said Buffy sharply, and looked up at Ms. Calendar. “You wanna help, right?”

“I do.” Ms. Calendar stepped away from Giles, but Buffy didn’t miss Giles reaching out to place a hand on the small of Ms. Calendar’s back.

“Then we should all convene at your place later tonight and start talking strategies,” Buffy said. “That’s good by you?”

“That’s great.” Ms. Calendar smiled. It looked pretty forced, but Buffy decided that just going back to the whole awkwardly-not-talking-about-it thing would be better than trying to reconcile with someone she still didn’t trust all that much, so she didn’t say anything about it. “I can pick you guys up later, then?”

“Yeah.” Buffy forced a smile right back. “I’m feeling like decompressing at home for a while.”

“I’ll look into more research options,” Willow chimed in.

“I’m planning on finding some food that hopefully _doesn’t_ turn into snakes,” said Xander. “Cordy, you feeling like burgers?”

As they headed away, Buffy glanced behind her. Ms. Calendar was back in Giles’s arms, but they weren’t kissing passionately or flirting or anything like that. They were just holding each other. Giles’s hands, cupping Ms. Calendar’s face, slipped down to her scarf—

—and Buffy saw Ms. Calendar visibly flinch.

* * *

The whole “decompressing at home” thing didn’t really work. For one thing, usually this was the kind of time Buffy could have used to visit Angel were he not currently a soulless demon hell-bent on killing her and her friends. For another, Buffy couldn’t get Ms. Calendar’s scarf out of her mind now that she’d started thinking about it. Ms. Calendar flinching when Giles touched the scarf, Ms. Calendar touching it every time she talked about Angel. No—if Buffy remembered correctly, every time Angel was _mentioned,_ Ms. Calendar’s hands went to her scarf.

Not her scarf. Her neck.

Buffy remembered the wreckage in the computer lab when they’d shown up for class, the panicked phone call she made to Ms. Calendar’s house. Ms. Calendar had said she was okay, that she’d called in sick because there had been a bit of an incident with Angelus, that no one needed to worry about her or Giles. She’d come in the next day with Giles, looking completely fine save for that scarf around her neck.

She was feeling sick. _Really_ sick. The scarf had been clashing with Ms. Calendar’s outfits and it had seemed a little unusual, but it was a scarf Buffy had seen Giles wear before and she’d assumed that Ms. Calendar was just being sentimental. Maybe that was the explanation, and she _hoped_ it was, but the whole touching-her-neck-whenever-anyone-talked-about-Angel thing, plus a scarf on someone who didn’t usually wear a scarf, didn’t seem exactly right.

And somehow another part about this that Buffy didn’t like was how _worried_ she was about Ms. Calendar. This wasn’t the kind of worry you got about a person you didn’t trust. She wasn’t thinking anything along the lines of Ms. Calendar faking it for attention, because that just didn’t seem likely.

“Do I not trust Ms. Calendar?” Buffy asked Mr. Gordo, who was perched on her bed. Being a stuffed pig and all, he couldn’t really answer, but that was actually a little comforting. “Or am I just angry at her?”

Not trusting Ms. Calendar seemed a little more logic-based than anger, and Buffy felt like logic was serving her better than emotion as of late. If she was still feeling so strongly about things, letting her emotions guide her, maybe she hadn’t learned all that much from her experience with Angel. Not to mention the fact that this poltergeist guy seemed to be honing in on her for some reason, and Buffy didn’t like thinking about why that might be.

“Things are bad,” Buffy said to Mr. Gordo. “And I don’t know how to fix them.”

* * *

Ms. Calendar had put together a snack plate when Buffy, Willow, and Cordelia showed up. It had cheese, and chips, and salsa, and her apartment smelled nice. Giles was sitting on the sofa, reading a book, and Xander (who had apparently arrived early) was already getting started on a smaller snack plate of his own.

“I figured you guys might not want him hogging all the food,” Ms. Calendar quipped.

“Why are you still wearing a scarf indoors?” asked Cordelia, frowning.

Buffy froze. On the couch, so did Giles.

Ms. Calendar’s little grin vanished. “Call it a fashion choice,” she said lightly. “You kids ready to talk exorcism? Willow emailed me and said that that’s probably our best bet.”

“Are you crazy?” Cordelia interjected. “I saw that movie! Even the priest died.”

“Yes, well, what do you have in mind, Willow?” Giles asked, ignoring Cordelia.

Willow stepped forward and put down the piece of paper she’d been holding; a map of the school building with a rough sketch of a triangle drawn over it. “Okay, see here, the balcony? That's where the original teacher died back in 1955 and that teacher last night. That's the hot spot where all the bad mojo is coming from. We need to create a Mangus-tripod.”

“A what?” Cordelia inquired.

Willow pointed to a spot on the map. “One person chants here on the hot spot. And the other three chant in other places around the school forming a triangle. It's supposed to bind the bad spirit and keep it from doing any more harm.”

“Well, I'll take the hot spot,” Buffy said matter-of-factly, taking the map. “If there's trouble, that's where it'll be.”

“Um, Buffy, maybe it would be better if—if Rupert and I handled the hotspot together,” Ms. Calendar suggested uncertainly. At Buffy’s startled look, she explained, “James already seems drawn to you, and aside from you, I think we might be the best people here to face him.”

Buffy looked over at Giles, who was looking tense and worried at this suggestion, and thought about whatever was under that scarf. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” she said.

“Sorry?” Ms. Calendar frowned, confused.

Buffy should have told him the truth. She should have said _I think Giles might be worried about you,_ or _I’m worried about you,_ or something like that. But somehow in her head it seemed like a better idea to say, “You’re not exactly Ms. Trustable as of late.”

Ms. Calendar opened her mouth, then shut it, and the look of unmasked hurt on her face made Buffy feel incredibly guilty.

“ _Buffy,_ ” said Giles sharply. “Jenny has invited us all into her home, made us food—”

“Cheese and chips,” Ms. Calendar said. “Didn’t take much to set it up. And it’s certainly not a reason for Buffy to magically trust me again.”

That made Buffy want to cringe, because she _did_ trust Ms. Calendar, even if Ms. Calendar didn’t know it. She just couldn’t find it in herself to forgive Ms. Calendar, who didn’t really seem like she deserved forgiveness anyway. She tried to think of something to say that voiced her convoluted feelings, but Ms. Calendar spoke again.

“Buffy, I’d appreciate it if you made up your mind on whether or not I’m in the gang,” she said in a teacher-like sort of voice that made Buffy irrationally angry. Since when was Ms. Calendar the one in the position of power here? “When you trust me, let me know, but for now I think I’m going to remove myself from the situation entirely.” She got up from the couch. “Lock the door on your way out, please,” she said, and hurried out of her living room.

Buffy looked down at her hands.

“That was incredibly childish of you,” Giles said sharply. “I understand if your feelings towards Jenny are convoluted, but I won’t let you treat her with this constantly changing attitude, and neither will she. I suggest you make up your mind as to whether or not you want her around, because she isn’t the sort to hang around with puppy-dog eyes until she’s forgiven.” He stood up from the couch. “She takes action,” he said, and hurried after his girlfriend, leaving an uncomfortable silence in the living room.

“I’ll take the hot spot,” said Buffy again. It didn’t sound quite as authoritative and determined this time.

* * *

And then the whole thing kind of spiraled out of control a little.

Buffy was very glad she’d stuck to taking the hot spot, though, because she didn’t like to think of Giles and Ms. Calendar faced with a rotted-face James Stanley. Giles, incidentally, had still come with them even though he was frustrated at Buffy, which turned out to be lucky, because as they were driving away from the school (which had _wasps_ that had chased them out _,_ honestly, what was the _deal_ with James and animals), Willow explained to everyone how Giles had saved her life from a portal thing.

They drove to Buffy’s house, this time. While everyone was getting settled in comfy chairs (and, in Cordelia’s case, monologuing to Xander about how awful her face had looked), Buffy went to try and talk to Giles, who still hadn’t entered the living room. She entered the hallway and stopped; Giles was on the phone in the kitchen.

“Yes, we’re fine,” Giles was saying. “Ye—I’ll call you when this is all resolved, of course. I should be back soon, if you—how are you?” He paused, listening, then, “I’ll make you some tea when I get back, all right? Tea and a movie. Is there anything you’ve been—” Another pause, and then he said indignantly, “We are _not_ watching a cheap-budget horror film. The inaccuracies _irk_ me.” He listened, and a slow smile spread across his face, only partly visible from Buffy’s vantage point in the hallway. “I love you too, Jenny,” he said, voice softer and quietly happier than Buffy had heard it before. “Yes. Don’t stay up for me, you need your rest.”

He hung up the phone with an audible _click_ , and Buffy hastily reentered the living room before he could realize she’d been eavesdropping. _I hope you can trust that I’m not blinded by my love for Jenny_ , he’d said in the library, and Buffy just hadn’t been able to understand that then. She’d been blinded by love, totally and completely, and she didn’t know if she could see in shades of gray when it came to Angel. She hadn’t considered that it might be different for Giles.

There was a simplicity to his smile when he’d been talking to her, and it wasn’t the sort of dizzy, lovesick grin she’d seen on his face way back before Angelus. Before Eyghon, even. Buffy wondered if being loved made you able to see more clearly, sometimes, instead of the other way around.

Giles entered the living room and sat down.

“So what do we do, Giles?” Willow asked. As clarification, she added, “About James.”

“Well,” Giles replied, looking up, “he's obviously reliving the night of the Sadie Hawkins Dance when he killed Ms. Newman. It’s common enough for a spirit to do this, to recreate a tragedy.”

Cordelia, who had somehow managed to find snacks, interjected, “Hey. If Sunnydale High School shuts down forever, do we automatically graduate?”

Xander ignored her. “But why? What does he want?” Pausing, he turned to Cordelia. “Actually, that's an interesting point.”

“He's trying to... resolve whatever issues are keeping him in limbo,” Giles explained. “What exactly those are, I'm not...”

“He wants forgiveness,” Buffy interrupted. _Everyone seems to, nowadays,_ she thought to herself.

“Yes,” Giles agreed, standing up from his chair and walking over to Buffy. “I imagine he does. But when James possesses people, they act out exactly what happened that night. So he's experiencing a form of purgatory instead. I mean, he's doomed to kill his Ms. Newman over and over and over again, and...” He trailed off, almost sadly. “Forgiveness is impossible.”

“Good,” said Buffy sharply. “He doesn't deserve it.”

Giles looked at her for a moment, almost sad, and said slowly, “To forgive is an act of compassion, Buffy. It's not done because people deserve it. It's done because they need it.”

Buffy thought of Ms. Calendar, the unconcealed hurt on her face, the scarf around her neck, and for a moment she thought she might understand what Giles was saying. But then she thought of other mistakes that had been made recently, and said fiercely, “No.” Forgiveness wasn’t an option, sometimes. “James destroyed the one person he loved the most in a moment of blind passion. And that's not something you forgive. No matter why he did what he did. And no matter if he knows now that it was wrong and selfish and stupid, it is just something he's gonna have to live with.”

There was a strange silence.

“He can't live with it, Buff,” said Xander slowly. “He's dead.”

She felt a lump rise in her throat and wished Angel was here. Turning on her heel, she went back into the kitchen.

Forgiveness, done because people needed it. Buffy wanted forgiveness, but did she _need_ it? Was she really capable of making decisions about whether or not she needed forgiveness? That was emotions, and she’d thought that logic was her tool of choice as of late. She felt lost and confused and really, really tired.

But Ms. Calendar needed forgiveness.

There. There was a concrete fact, something Buffy was sure of. Ms. Calendar needed forgiveness, even though Buffy had a feeling Ms. Calendar didn’t _think_ she needed forgiveness. And maybe—maybe Buffy needed forgiveness too.

“I forgive me,” said Buffy, “because I need it.” It sounded hollow. Maybe she needed to try saying it again—

Her hands in her pockets, she found something that hadn’t been there before. A flyer. The Sadie Hawkins Dance flyer. Forgiveness would have to wait.

* * *

The second encounter with James the Vengeful Poltergeist revealed to Buffy that he’d also been James the Sad Poltergeist, which didn’t excuse his actions, but it shed a lot of light onto why he did what he did. What scared Buffy more than she wanted to say was the fact that some of the feelings she’d felt as James weren’t altogether unfamiliar. The crushing misery, the loneliness, the horror upon losing—she took a shuddering breath as she walked into the library, the Scoobies by her side.

“Tea?” Giles asked gently, taking her elbow and looking down at her. He seemed to think that being angry at her over Ms. Calendar could wait, what with the whole ordeal Buffy had been through that night. She was reminded of what he said— _forgiveness is given because people need it—_ and a lump came to her throat.

“I love you,” she said without thinking.

Giles looked startled, but not displeased. “Yes—well,” he said awkwardly, and then Buffy was stunned to see that same sort of smile on his face that he’d gotten when he’d heard Ms. Calendar over the phone. Not in a romantic sense (because _ew_ ); there was pride in his smile instead of the romantic softness he’d had when he’d been talking to Ms. Calendar. “If—I’ll make tea.” He reached out and squeezed Buffy’s shoulder.

Buffy smiled at him and followed him into his office. “Can you call Ms. Calendar?” she asked hesitantly. Giles stopped fiddling with his kettle, and she added, “I don’t want to yell at her about not being a part of the group, Giles.”

He turned around. “Are you quite certain?” he asked, a bit nervously. “I don’t think she can handle three emotional encounters in one day.”

Buffy nodded. Then, “She’s gonna be okay, right? With—whatever happened between her and Angel?”

“She’s strong,” said Giles simply. “And if you’re not intending to yell at her, I think it might be best if you call her.” He turned back to the kettle.

Giles had a point. Buffy dialed Ms. Calendar’s number, which was on a Post-It note right above the phone (next to it, a little heart—jeez, Giles was a dork). She only had to wait two rings before the phone was picked up.

 _“Rupert?”_ came Ms. Calendar’s voice, sounding incredibly nervous.

“It’s—Buffy,” said Buffy nervously. “Please don’t hang up on me.”

A beat, and then, _“Oh, God, is Rupert—”_

“He’s fine!” Buffy interjected hastily. “He’s making tea right now, I just wanted to talk to you.”

_“You sure about that?”_

It was surprising, how much courage it was taking for Buffy to be honest with Ms. Calendar. Maybe that was indicative of trust issues, but maybe it was because she hadn’t been as close to Ms. Calendar as she should have been in the first place. “I’m sorry,” she said. “For saying you weren’t trustworthy. I do trust you, I just—” She inhaled. _Forgiveness is given because people need it_. “I forgive you,” she said. “It wasn’t your fault. You tried to stop it, and you’re trying to fix it, and I’m glad you’re a Scooby with us.”

There was a stunned silence on the end of the line.

“I know this might not change anything—”

 _“Thank you.”_ Ms. Calendar sounded touched, and maybe a little overwhelmed. _“Thanks. I—I don’t know why you’re calling me at one in the morning to tell me this, but, um, I’m definitely very glad.”_

“Yeah, well, welcome to Sunnydale,” Buffy quipped. “The night life keeps us all up.”

Ms. Calendar laughed, startled, over the phone, and Buffy found herself grinning too.

* * *

The next day, Ms. Calendar wasn’t wearing the scarf. A ring of faded yellow bruises dotted her neck. “I didn’t want you to forgive me out of pity,” she said to Buffy, and Buffy felt more connected to Ms. Calendar than she had before.


End file.
